things could'nt get anymore disasterous
but i'll be gone for the rest of the summer and maybe when i get back things will be resolved

maria i do miss you tremensly
hang in there

and
i miss maria

i kind of cant post how i feel

i should be:
in an asylum

i want to be:
in a field by myself

i am:
at my desk listening to maria's tunes and mourning

people are superficial
saying that people are superficial makes me feel that i am too
everything i think i rethink and doubt
everything i've done may mean nothing
everything i'm doing is pointless yet i do it just the same

i'm tired tired tired tired i
i want to be
be
be
be
be

This old man Ive talked about
Broke his own heart,
Poured it in the ground.
Big red tree grew up and out,
Throw up its leaves,
Spins round and round.
I know all this and more.
So take your hat off
When youre talking to me
And be there when I feed the tree.
This little squirrel I used to be
Slammed her bike down the stairs.
They put silver where her teeth had been.
Baby silvertooth,she grins and grins.

- Belly, Feed The Tree


today... after math, i had a study session with Vanderlaan and alexis/michael.... for 3 hours! Then sushi with alexis and her madre... then drums cause i played along to ben kweller, state radio.... then study study study... yell into pillow, bang on drums, study study study... freak
i danced in the shower... ran around dancing naked in the bathroom attempting to figure out the coefficient of friction between the drum and the drum stick in the song I'm a Cuckoo by Belle & Sebastian....


btw
i love state radio

And by the time the ground had thawed The summer She had barely spoke I feel so
I feel so blind to what yothis is who I am u're sayin' And if you don't And if you don't know the cost we're paying And whatever he Whatever he's taking Whatever he's making Please don't give me any of those As if to say If we are anything If I am anything Then this is who i am - Calvado's Chopper

All curled around his knees Was it worse then you fret The punishment you get Hollow points in the concrete Have you wailed for the likes of the walls and hunger strikes Are you more than what you hate Your fear will not fade the lines That paint your face Well this one must be lost At this ungodly time of day A broken curfew has a cost A tidy sum you'll pay Teacher won't you teach your lesson Though the young are hard to break Mr smith and mr wesson And the cost of school these days

- Black Cab Motorcade

Busser waves to the meter maid Who don't waive back no more We're all searching for something We'll all find a place to stay
Though we may have next to nothing Oh lord we'll find a way

- Waitress


And no one knows anymore Where all the souls have gathered Though they will keep an eye on what you do And when the people have spoken We won't cry mercy on Mercy on you Cause we will We will be alive just broken

- People to People

Thank you for yesterday
maria and alexis
you know whats best for me
i've taken all of you for granted
you're more important than you know
apologies

Watch the Constant Gardener
Read Farenheit 451
Listen, Ponder, Consider, Mourn, Decide, Analyze, Worry, Realize....

I've found that most things don't matter


Large to the small
Major to the Minor
One's problems compared to another's
Local related to the grand scheme of things

is it fair to compare
to those who die, to those who suffer
is it fair to yourself

or is it all relative
comparitive
to the norm?

Listen
Remain
Be

I was going to go home and cry but then, the soccer team showed up