haha
my little cousin has a bigger social life than i do
i sat at her house "chaperoning" her first boy girl party where basically she hung out with 13 friends while i sat on the computer for 4 hours and aimlessly talked to kids i was friends with at once point but who have moved on with their lives and have new friends.

my parents and sister are at that ridiculous debutant ball until 3
i wasn't invited
i'd have liked to go cause i like getting dressed up all fancy
although it did make me angry that my sister's inspiration was Audrie Heburn, who'da thunk
and the first thing she said as she looked in the mirror was "Oh My God I'm So Audrie"
i'm laughed inside


i felt ugly again today
damn bad hair cut
it'll never go away

my sister is drop dead gorgeous
i just wish she'd have a style of her own

i've concluded that with each serious bf she has, she needs a new style
is it a coincidence that after she broke up with ian, she no longer was Penny Lane, but now a more independent less rock and roll audrie with her new bf

i suppose its not that important, how she dresses or if she dresses in a style that's unique to herself
it just irks me

i guess its cause one of the few good qualities i'm known for is a unique style
maybe its cause, before tessa was obsessed with penny lane and audrie heburn, i had no idea who they were


maybe my uniqueness comes from my ignorance and lack of knowledge

i never do anything
i do but
i don't really enjoy much of it
but is there anything better for me or should i just suck it up and enjoy what there is... i always act like i'll find people to hang out with that i actually enjoy, but first of all, i havent found that many close to me and 2nd, they probably say the same thing about me.... they can find people better than me to hang out with

i thought i'd find people i'd want to hang out with at crew
but so far i've made friends with the 8th graders...
who are quite nice
but
i feel like a reject when i'm there.... like when i'm talking to the other girls my age, i'm inferior because i'm a new comer... even though i'm a sophmore too... i'mm hanging out with their younger sisters....

i don't know, maybe it'll even out, its not like i dont talk to them, i do sometimes.... but i just feel young around them... but they're the same age as me...

is my coolness equivilent to an 8th grader...?

why do i care.... nothing changes when you wait... like watching water waiting for it to boil.... its just... i feel so inferior

its the "chili fest" tomorow at WYRA, maybe out of context i might seem a little cooler
maybe i'll use my unique wardrobe to entice them

as katie and i say
we're so lame