today i felt greasy, obese, pimply and damn ugly
i have scars and blotches all over my face cause i can't leave blemishes alone
i gained all my weight back from camp (Says the scale though i dont think u can tell)
i dont fit into 2 brand new pairs of pants i bought before canada
- the pants don't lie -

i really have self esteem problems
my whole day was ruined today cause of my god damn hair

i was on that aids walk and it rained
and i didnt shower afterwards cause i had showered before the walk
the next morning (today) my hair was greasy and sticky due to some polution in the rain water....

i looked atrocious and u could also tell by my bleak attidue

whats worse is my face is always dead pale and my eyes are always red and puffy

theres no reason to smile at tower besides being with katie so i dont bother

i look like a zombie that took a swim in a vat of cooking oil

everything is flowing too smoothly this year
i'm so confused
yet nothing's changed
i still don't like my school
i have less friends than last year that go there cause maria's gone
i only spend time outside of school with camp kids
no one's changed very much
no one sees me differently


its been 2 weeks already
katie and i only have one class together
and we're already flinging ourselves into the hallway and screaming about damn tuna fish sandwhiches

what can i do to make things different

i never knew normal people could be so cold hearted
i am not offended, just deeply sadenned. its hard to describe other than feeling sick

i understand that everyone can't be liked by everyone else
there are parts of everyone that you may not like
but to not be able to handle yourself appropriately or tolerate such small acts that you believe are irritating and unnaceptable

and to think he wants to be a teacher
i hope someone spares those children, that he hopes to teach, for their mental health's sake
i know he scared mine

Hey Guess What I'm in Canada La La La La Lahh Lahhhh

So it's beautiful here in Banff
Yesterday my parents and i drove 3 hours towards Jasper to the Glacier Ice Fields... where we took Snow Cat busses with huge 6 wheel force tires up to the ice field and we walked around surrounded by the rockies.... and drank the water. I bottled some! The water, becaues of some "rock flour" that is a mineral in the water, is a shimmering turqouise.

Then we had a buffett called the Tastes of Canada for my dad's company where we ate thousands of different things like muscles, salmon prepared in multiple ways, cod cheek.... etc.

there were owls there and eagles from some rescue guy

today we took a walk around the town... i had a beautiful breakfast... nice and fattening... french toast stuffed with berries and cream cheese
i bought jean Overalls! and a skii winter coat! score.....

today we're going to Lake Louise for a Gondala ride and maybe some kayaking.... tonite i'm on my own for dinner so i suppose its sushi for one....

school starts friday but i'm missing the first day

not ready