haha
my little cousin has a bigger social life than i do
i sat at her house "chaperoning" her first boy girl party where basically she hung out with 13 friends while i sat on the computer for 4 hours and aimlessly talked to kids i was friends with at once point but who have moved on with their lives and have new friends.

my parents and sister are at that ridiculous debutant ball until 3
i wasn't invited
i'd have liked to go cause i like getting dressed up all fancy
although it did make me angry that my sister's inspiration was Audrie Heburn, who'da thunk
and the first thing she said as she looked in the mirror was "Oh My God I'm So Audrie"
i'm laughed inside


i felt ugly again today
damn bad hair cut
it'll never go away

my sister is drop dead gorgeous
i just wish she'd have a style of her own

i've concluded that with each serious bf she has, she needs a new style
is it a coincidence that after she broke up with ian, she no longer was Penny Lane, but now a more independent less rock and roll audrie with her new bf

i suppose its not that important, how she dresses or if she dresses in a style that's unique to herself
it just irks me

i guess its cause one of the few good qualities i'm known for is a unique style
maybe its cause, before tessa was obsessed with penny lane and audrie heburn, i had no idea who they were


maybe my uniqueness comes from my ignorance and lack of knowledge

i never do anything
i do but
i don't really enjoy much of it
but is there anything better for me or should i just suck it up and enjoy what there is... i always act like i'll find people to hang out with that i actually enjoy, but first of all, i havent found that many close to me and 2nd, they probably say the same thing about me.... they can find people better than me to hang out with

i thought i'd find people i'd want to hang out with at crew
but so far i've made friends with the 8th graders...
who are quite nice
but
i feel like a reject when i'm there.... like when i'm talking to the other girls my age, i'm inferior because i'm a new comer... even though i'm a sophmore too... i'mm hanging out with their younger sisters....

i don't know, maybe it'll even out, its not like i dont talk to them, i do sometimes.... but i just feel young around them... but they're the same age as me...

is my coolness equivilent to an 8th grader...?

why do i care.... nothing changes when you wait... like watching water waiting for it to boil.... its just... i feel so inferior

its the "chili fest" tomorow at WYRA, maybe out of context i might seem a little cooler
maybe i'll use my unique wardrobe to entice them

as katie and i say
we're so lame

time's moving towards something. right?

"and [she] was left alone. Some distinction that set [her] apart. Possibly [she] was simply odd. A personality that would not fit in. Waiting to find that one who felt the same way about things. Ways [she] wasn't even sure [she] could articulate but that that [she] would not need to. With the right one." - Jeffrey Lent In the Fall


melancholy.

ELIAS FUND
they finally agreed to do it
tower hill is gunna raise money for ELIAS FUND
i've been trying to get mr. newlin and mr. baetjr's attention with this since 7th grade.... and now i'm in charge of helping run this big project

i'm so proud of the founders of the fund... they're only in college and at first, when i met them, i thought they'd get nothing accomplished because they seemed SOOOO disorganized

here's what they've done so far:

a) found elias
b) payed for secondary schooling for his three sons *Honest and Manuel*
c) payed for a student JUSTICE to go to college to study finance
d) formed a youth soccer team
e) adopted a community of 300 people who's adults are blind and the kids have to beg for money to get food... now the fund is sending the kids to school and supplying the families with their monthly food rations
f) at the moment their in Zimbabwe again writing out plans for the community center they plan to build

all with the money of dispatch lovers who want to see the force do something good.... #### yea....

... its the life i learned to lead and i grew confident ...

back from delaneys
long way for a short trip
but i'm glad i got to see her and support her
i finally met Matt, what an outstanding actor... but he has some REAL self esteem issues.

So her boarding school's facilities are amazing
2 ice hockey rinks
a brand new fitness center with squash, a huge pool, etc.

the courses the can take
3 different philosophy courses
a good 2 dozen science electives including Ferensics and Neurology!!
German and Chineese.
holy ####

they have so many internationals
kids from the DR, Afghanistan, Ghana, China, Singapore, Korea, Japan, the Bahamas, Jamaica, France, Canada etc.
almost 20% of the school is like that
what diversity towerhill lacks

i had some good conversations with mr. and mrs. osborn about what towerhill lacks
he's on the board so he knows there are a lot of problems with tower hill socially
we're lacking something
he told me they're thinking of expanding the school to 70-90 kids a grade in highschool but mr. b doesnt like the idea and they don't know where to get more kids.... he even said they've suggested having some boarders....
there's something wrong with our school
unfortunatly i have to deal with it
senior year i wont cry cause i'm leaving, i'll cry cause i graduated at a place i hate.

i think there will be a great amount of change that will hopefully affect and benefit the younger generations with our new headmaster, our new facilities being built for sports, etc. I'm hoping that the lights on the turf field will spark school spirit for night games that i never got to experience

delaney's school has such spirit
they're whole school was covered with blue grafiti and Hotchkiss Rules because it was Taft Day, which is a day where their sports teams have all games with Taft their rival school, the Rhinos
it was soo cool to see all the kids come back wearing the teeshirts with their faces painted blue

i wish i felt that way about my school
i just detest it
its not that i detest the school persay
the faculty, the staff, the facilities, the courses are great(although i'd love to see more courses offered!!)
i think its the kids that really make a school
we dont have that

i wish i could have school spirit
it's been too long with out it, i've already developed an anti-THS spirit and now they're trying to introduce it to us with pep-rallies and i'm not buying in
i hope that the younger kids can grasp this

the school year is now officially a quarter of the way through
time's a peculiar thing
each day each month drags on
but now i'm surprised its come and gone
i wish i had a remote control
things need to pick up the pace
i wanna get out of here
go somewhere new
somewhere different

i'm so accomplished
LIT apps
School apps


i feel like barstead and greig are trying to ignore me
they never write and barstead always acts so distanced
maybe he agrees with the rule about us being in touch
or is afraid of it
or doesnt like me? i'm such a pest

i feel like this great annoyance
like i'm inferior to everyone else
like i'm not actually liked
people want to get rid of me
a gnat at their ear
i like people more than they like me (the worst)

if only i knew what they were thinking
the great mysteries of the world
if only i knew how they truly felt
if only people werent so nice to my face if that isnt how they feel





Crew Starts Soon
change?